The Nike

It’s the part of IVF that everyone hopes they’ll never get to. The round which you know in your bones is going to be your last.  The one where you’ve been through so many iterations of yourself along the way you know there’s nothing and nobody left other than to turn up, check that bitterContinue reading “The Nike”

The Resolution

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even the Tilderbeast dreaming of a mouse. The thoughts, the longing, the fifth Christmas without, The presents weren’t there It wasn’t what this festive season was about. Gratitude, worry and fear Apart from friends and family, with Covid tooContinue reading “The Resolution”

The Demon

“I just listened to your BLAW week post on Sophie Martin’s insta and I am weeping in the kitchen,” the text said. “I am just so proud of you for doing this. What you’ve been going through is a massive mountain of grief and uncertainty and I wish so much that I could take justContinue reading “The Demon”

The Letter

Our darling Pumbaa,  I cannot believe it has been four and a half years of what might have been, since I last felt and carried you. For most of our friends, this chronological time frame has seen a whole raft of life change: new homes, new jobs, new babies. I guess this is true forContinue reading “The Letter”

The Women

On 18 September, 2020 – a year of extraordinary vintage – took another turn for the worse. Ruth Bader Ginsberg, the Notorious RBG, Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States finally vacated her moderate seat, leaving the constitutional and legal balance swinging in the highest court of the land. Quiet and extraordinarilyContinue reading “The Women”

Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother

This blog was first published by Tommy’s on their website for Rainbow Baby Day on 22 August 2020 My name is Annabel, and my husband and I are parents to babies that simply aren’t here.  Like many of you, we have suffered loss, we understand longing and despite or because of everything, we continue toContinue reading “Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother”

The Respectful Conversation

Ah, Australia! Land of Kylie and Jason, home of the tim tam, the sweet, sweet Down Under has given us many gifts: the flat white, Bondi Rescue, Nats What I Reckon, Natalie Imbruglia (who BTW had her son at 45 with IVF and a sperm donor) Neighbours, the Great Barrier Reef, Alf Stewart’s “you flamingContinue reading “The Respectful Conversation”

The Tilderbeast

Somewhere between the veil of sleep and dreaming I was awake, a piercing sound came up the stairs. I was alone, with our second embryo safely tucked up in my HRT sponsored, 1000 thread count womb lining. Sleep was already fitful. Fuck, I thought. This is it. South East London and I’m finally about toContinue reading “The Tilderbeast”

The Situation

2016: Three days after my 36th birthday and the party is over. “There’s a bit of bad news”, the sonographer announces. At twelve and a half weeks, our most cherished hopes and dreams have stopped. The wonderful hospital staff reassure me that like a procreationally challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back.” 2019: I finish aContinue reading “The Situation”

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