parenthood

The Exchange

One Saturday in 2021 I left the Maybehood mainland and didn’t even know it. A landscape and emotional weather system so familiar and engrained in me, I thought I was sitting peaceably on the beach when the boat for one had already pushed off from the shore. I assumed supplies needed were in the hull.Continue reading “The Exchange”

The Veil

When Professor Nick Macklon told me to get both vaccines and go and enjoy the summer, I didn’t need to be told twice. There was – literally – nothing else for it. First we went to Wales and climbed Snowdon. Then we were both beasted at work and I had to deliver a project withContinue reading “The Veil”

The Nike

It’s the part of IVF that everyone hopes they’ll never get to. The round which you know in your bones is going to be your last. The one where you’ve been through so many iterations of yourself along the way you know there’s nothing and nobody left other than to turn up, check that bitterContinue reading “The Nike”

The Letter

Our darling Pumbaa, I cannot believe it has been four and a half years of what might have been, since I last felt and carried you. For most of our friends, this chronological time frame has seen a whole raft of life change: new homes, new jobs, new babies. I guess this is true forContinue reading “The Letter”

Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother

This blog was first published by Tommy’s on their website for Rainbow Baby Day on 22 August 2020 My name is Annabel, and my husband and I are parents to babies that simply aren’t here. Like many of you, we have suffered loss, we understand longing and despite or because of everything, we continue toContinue reading “Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother”

The Respectful Conversation

Ah, Australia! Land of Kylie and Jason, home of the tim tam, the sweet, sweet Down Under has given us many gifts: the flat white, Bondi Rescue, Nats What I Reckon, Natalie Imbruglia (who BTW had her son at 45 with IVF and a sperm donor) Neighbours, the Great Barrier Reef, Alf Stewart’s “you flamingContinue reading “The Respectful Conversation”

The 65.6% Fairy

Hands up who thinks babies and children can be a never ending, life-long money pit? The 0-25 year accessories. Homing, feeding, clothing, educating, protecting. Trying your utmost to give them the building blocks with which they can grow. Newsflash people: some of us breeders to be are already dropping serious coin on all sorts ofContinue reading “The 65.6% Fairy”

The Arrested Development

There’s a spare room next door to our bedroom which has spent the last four and a half years moonlighting as a laundrette cum potensch nursery. It’s got the Victorian fireplace, neutral paint, obligatory laundry paraphernalia and faint hints of south east London’s finest coming from next door. The window looks out onto the sideContinue reading “The Arrested Development”

The Michael Jordan

Covid-19, AKA the ‘Rona, has brought many things to humanity’s table, not least of which an increased reliance on Netflix’s game (strong). Here, in the depths of drama, comedy and pre corona comfort reruns, I have witnessed the emergence of a true life – dare I say fertility struggle – icon: Mr Michael Jordan. CourtContinue reading “The Michael Jordan”

The Situation

2016: Three days after my 36th birthday and the party is over. “There’s a bit of bad news”, the sonographer announces. At twelve and a half weeks, our most cherished hopes and dreams have stopped. The wonderful hospital staff reassure me that like a procreationally challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back.” 2019: I finish aContinue reading “The Situation”