hope

The Nike

It’s the part of IVF that everyone hopes they’ll never get to. The round which you know in your bones is going to be your last. The one where you’ve been through so many iterations of yourself along the way you know there’s nothing and nobody left other than to turn up, check that bitterContinue reading “The Nike”

The Demon

“I just listened to your BLAW week post on Sophie Martin’s insta and I am weeping in the kitchen,” the text said. “I am just so proud of you for doing this. What you’ve been going through is a massive mountain of grief and uncertainty and I wish so much that I could take justContinue reading “The Demon”

Guest Vag #2

Welcome to the second in my Guest Vag series, where fellow women open up their hearts, vaginas, and share their Maybehood in the hope it helps yours. Bebs has written incredibly openly about her Maybehood, with an emotional honesty and humour that I’m sure many of you will resonate with (I certainly did). Over toContinue reading “Guest Vag #2”

Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother

This blog was first published by Tommy’s on their website for Rainbow Baby Day on 22 August 2020 My name is Annabel, and my husband and I are parents to babies that simply aren’t here. Like many of you, we have suffered loss, we understand longing and despite or because of everything, we continue toContinue reading “Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother”

The Respectful Conversation

Ah, Australia! Land of Kylie and Jason, home of the tim tam, the sweet, sweet Down Under has given us many gifts: the flat white, Bondi Rescue, Nats What I Reckon, Natalie Imbruglia (who BTW had her son at 45 with IVF and a sperm donor) Neighbours, the Great Barrier Reef, Alf Stewart’s “you flamingContinue reading “The Respectful Conversation”

The Tilderbeast

Somewhere between the veil of sleep and dreaming I was awake, a piercing sound came up the stairs. I was alone, with our second embryo safely tucked up in my HRT sponsored, 1000 thread count womb lining. Sleep was already fitful. Fuck, I thought. This is it. South East London and I’m finally about toContinue reading “The Tilderbeast”

The Pumbaa

It was the summer of 1994 and the gardeners were mowing the school sports field topless. “Let’s get down to some reproduction!” said our legendary biology teacher Mr S, steeling himself for the lessons ahead. Tasked with educating a rowdy bunch of 14 year old girls about sex – the poor bastard – this incredibleContinue reading “The Pumbaa”

The Michael Jordan

Covid-19, AKA the ‘Rona, has brought many things to humanity’s table, not least of which an increased reliance on Netflix’s game (strong). Here, in the depths of drama, comedy and pre corona comfort reruns, I have witnessed the emergence of a true life – dare I say fertility struggle – icon: Mr Michael Jordan. CourtContinue reading “The Michael Jordan”

The Situation

2016: Three days after my 36th birthday and the party is over. “There’s a bit of bad news”, the sonographer announces. At twelve and a half weeks, our most cherished hopes and dreams have stopped. The wonderful hospital staff reassure me that like a procreationally challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back.” 2019: I finish aContinue reading “The Situation”