The Pumbaa

It was the summer of 1994 and the gardeners were mowing the school sports field topless. “Let’s get down to some reproduction!” said our legendary biology teacher Mr S, steeling himself for the lessons ahead. Tasked with educating a rowdy bunch of 14 year old girls about sex – the poor bastard – this incredibleContinue reading “The Pumbaa”

The Arrested Development

There’s a spare room next door to our bedroom which has spent the last four and a half years moonlighting as a laundrette cum potensch nursery. It’s got the Victorian fireplace, neutral paint, obligatory laundry paraphernalia and faint hints of south east London’s finest coming from next door. The window looks out onto the sideContinue reading “The Arrested Development”

The Michael Jordan

Covid-19, AKA the ‘Rona, has brought many things to humanity’s table, not least of which an increased reliance on Netflix’s game (strong). Here, in the depths of drama, comedy and pre corona comfort reruns, I have witnessed the emergence of a true life – dare I say fertility struggle – icon: Mr Michael Jordan. CourtContinue reading “The Michael Jordan”

The Situation

2016: Three days after my 36th birthday and the party is over. “There’s a bit of bad news”, the sonographer announces. At twelve and a half weeks, our most cherished hopes and dreams have stopped. The wonderful hospital staff reassure me that like a procreationally challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back.” 2019: I finish aContinue reading “The Situation”

Kent walks near London

A hopefully useful guide to walks within reach of south east London that won't take forever or make you feel you've abandoned civilisation

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