parenthood

The Gate

He didn’t look back. Didn’t turn to look at my face when I spoke to him. He released himself from my arms and charged in. Through the gate, across the playground and into the arms of others, becoming part of a world that is now apart from me. His head bobbed up and down, thenContinue reading “The Gate”

The Three

Last night I watched the penultimate episode of The Handmaid’s Tale, you know, that series when a dystopian society goes, well, bad. Where religion is used as a cruel tool of coercive control to dehumanise humanity; where women’s reproductive rights, already under insidious attack by a flatlining global birth rate, ecological collapse, and our legallyContinue reading “The Three”

The Garden

At 43, I’m now too old to be sucked into the social media whitewash, the flat lay of life, the comparison battering belief that others are doing it better, harder, faster, stronger. I’m on the ‘gram but I don’t reel-ly ‘use’ Instagram (sorry, not sorry). Alex’s elder brothers next door have showed me enough TikContinue reading “The Garden”

The Exchange

One Saturday in 2021 I left the Maybehood mainland and didn’t even know it. A landscape and emotional weather system so familiar and engrained in me, I thought I was sitting peaceably on the beach when the boat for one had already pushed off from the shore. I assumed supplies needed were in the hull.Continue reading “The Exchange”

The Veil

When Professor Nick Macklon told me to get both vaccines and go and enjoy the summer, I didn’t need to be told twice. There was – literally – nothing else for it. First we went to Wales and climbed Snowdon. Then we were both beasted at work and I had to deliver a project withContinue reading “The Veil”

The Nike

It’s the part of IVF that everyone hopes they’ll never get to. The round which you know in your bones is going to be your last. The one where you’ve been through so many iterations of yourself along the way you know there’s nothing and nobody left other than to turn up, check that bitterContinue reading “The Nike”

The Letter

Our darling Pumbaa, I cannot believe it has been four and a half years of what might have been, since I last felt and carried you. For most of our friends, this chronological time frame has seen a whole raft of life change: new homes, new jobs, new babies. I guess this is true forContinue reading “The Letter”

Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother

This blog was first published by Tommy’s on their website for Rainbow Baby Day on 22 August 2020 My name is Annabel, and my husband and I are parents to babies that simply aren’t here. Like many of you, we have suffered loss, we understand longing and despite or because of everything, we continue toContinue reading “Maybehood: not knowing if I’ll ever become a mother”

The Respectful Conversation

Ah, Australia! Land of Kylie and Jason, home of the tim tam, the sweet, sweet Down Under has given us many gifts: the flat white, Bondi Rescue, Nats What I Reckon, Natalie Imbruglia (who BTW had her son at 45 with IVF and a sperm donor) Neighbours, the Great Barrier Reef, Alf Stewart’s “you flamingContinue reading “The Respectful Conversation”

The 65.6% Fairy

Hands up who thinks babies and children can be a never ending, life-long money pit? The 0-25 year accessories. Homing, feeding, clothing, educating, protecting. Trying your utmost to give them the building blocks with which they can grow. Newsflash people: some of us breeders to be are already dropping serious coin on all sorts ofContinue reading “The 65.6% Fairy”